Enrique Rojas reveals in Malaga his tips for achieving happiness

Matías Stuber

To start with, a clarification, although it may seem obvious: absolute happiness does not exist. Sometimes, it seems as if everything is perfect. Friends are sitting around the table, the food tastes good and the wine is fine. But, just when everything seems to fit to reach that state desired by everyone, it does not fully arrive. Sometimes, even the opposite happens: the conversation is not smooth, the night goes by fits and starts, and one realizes that things are not progressing as one would wish.

Then comes the enlightenment, and memories of the past confirm it: the best nights are those that are unplanned, those that end with everyone dancing in the kitchen without anyone being able to explain exactly why. What is happiness, after all? The renowned psychiatrist offered some keys this Thursday in a masterful lecture, which took place within the framework of the 'Expert Minds' talks.

There are many ideas about what true happiness is; in fact, aspiring to it is one of the vital drivers of existence. A pessimist would say that happiness is merely the absence of suffering; hedonists might find it in consumption; a neurobiologist would say it is pure chemistry, and Aristotle wrote that it consists of self-sufficiency.

The pursuit of happiness is on the rise. Psychology, neurology, sociology, or economics... there is hardly a discipline that has not tried to answer the age-old question of how to achieve it and whether each individual has the tools to reach it. In the end, everyone knows people who have been able to overcome great setbacks, as well as others who walk through life with sorrow despite favorable circumstances.

So, is happiness a destination, is it predetermined by our genetics, or is it based on experiences from our tenderest childhood? Or can happiness be learned? And behind all this, there is a much broader question: does the human being have the ability to build their own happiness?

The renowned psychiatrist Enrique Rojas would answer with a "yes." At least, in part. This Thursday he was in Malaga, at the Palacio de Ferias, to address such a universal concept and talk about his latest book, whose suggestive title is 'Seven Tips for Happiness'.

Eternal longing

Initially, Rojas made an introduction about the classic definitions of happiness: Seneca, Plato, or Pythagoras... The list of thinkers who have delved into the subject is as extensive as it is overwhelming. Rojas suggested that happiness is a kind of lush tree and called for distinguishing between momentary happiness and structural happiness.

While the former is fleeting, the latter would be that state truly worth aspiring to, which is based on an adequate balance between love, friendship, work, and access to culture. "When seeking happiness, we must be very clear that absolute happiness does not exist," he concluded.

Subsequently, the psychiatrist began to outline the seven tips that he believes are key to reaching that relative happiness, which would indeed be attainable:

Good balance between heart and head: means reaching emotional maturity. Rojas holds that a balanced person is not one who suppresses their feelings nor one who is blindly carried away by them, but one who allows reason to guide emotion without stifling it.

Knowing oneself: is the cornerstone of psychological maturity. He defines knowing oneself as making an honest and deep X-ray of our own person, accepting what we find in it to, from there, be able to improve.

Healing past wounds and forgiving: for Enrique Rojas, these acts do not represent acts of weakness, but the most powerful psychological engineering tools to achieve happiness and emotional balance.

Having a coherent life project: means for Rojas having a life that encompasses the five great areas of human life, maintaining a good proportion between them and minimizing internal contradictions (for example, desiring a very united family life but not dedicating real time to it due to excessive work). These four areas are as follows: love, emotional life (partner, family, etc.); work, professional development and fulfillment through effort; culture, cultivation of the mind, reading, and knowledge; friendship, deep and sincere social relationships.

Being independent of people: Rojas does not understand independence from people as isolation, selfishness, or absolute self-sufficiency, but as a synonym for emotional maturity and inner freedom. In the conference, Rojas outlined self-esteem, happiness, and emotional balance.

Learning to talk about things and put problems into perspective: the psychiatrist estimates that learning to talk about things that affect one provides great relief. He also points out that putting problems into perspective is a fundamental therapeutic and personal growth tool. Both are part of what he calls "behavioral engineering" and are key to achieving psychological maturity and inner peace.

Having a solid moral: he insists that a solid moral is equivalent to being an integral person. This means that there is a close harmony between what you think, what you say, and how you act. The opposite of this is a double life or double standards. For the psychiatrist, a lack of coherence psychologically fragments the person and fills them with contradictions, preventing them from achieving real inner peace.

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